A little like candy

(This is how it felt the fateful night when I faked it)

A Little Like Candy

By Sarah McKeever Hitt

You taste a bit like candy
And you smell a little like hatred
Your face reminds me of grass stains
And you make me feel alone
Your hand on my arm is like fire
And the bartender seems to notice
He covers my wounds with poison in a glass
And I thank him with a five dollar bill
Saved by the beats of the speakers
And I am grateful for the effects.
I close my eyes to feel alive
And let the music saves me.
The air reeks of tequila
And it makes me want to kiss you
The music vibrates my bones
And I just want to cry.
My head is spinning like mad
And I stay in this moment too long
My flesh is shivering and wet
And you are dry as a bone.

Happy Saturday

Happy Saturday.
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

Something fantastic
traces my senses
elicit affair
ever pending

Transferring messages
telling of secrets
keep it in the closet
forever.

Not to be spoken
hearts burst forth
affirming the notion
together for now.

Hushed voices
giggling silently
showing the world
we don't care

Alone together
fleeting moments
give way to good-byes
expected

And we are fine
with closure of day
holding forever clinging to
a second no one can steal.
© 2008 Sarah McKeever Hitt

Charity

Charity.
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

I miss the laughter
how it screamed loudly from me
it was you
It was always you that brought that out of me
God knows how I needed that
because my heart was young.
Your outstretched hands
told me that I can be safe
If I would just come with you.
I wanted to
You have to know that I wanted to.
But your arms were strangers
and my body was innocent.
And yes, I knew it was impossible to fall
with the safety net you put up
securely holding my pride in place
as you attempted to make us happily ever after.
But I ran from you anyway
not trusting that your intentions were long lived
I found a man I thought to be regal
and he stole from me,
like you never told me he would.
He ran off leaving me empty handed
He tore down all of my defenses
reducing me to a ghost of who you knew
And now here I am
knocking on your door late at night
Eyes closed desperately praying to god for your charity.



© 2008 Sarah McKeever Hitt

Hell has never seen anyone like me

Hell has never seen anyone like me
when my tortured mind sends me to do
the craziest things
From the moment I took you on
I was unable to be the wide eyed one in wonder
and now I have no choice but to love you.

Just pretend that I was not so damaged
when you found me and
maybe when you put me back on the streets
I won't be half as broken as I would have been
had we never met.

Between you and me I can not hold you
when all I think is how you want to push my arm away
even though you tell me that I am crazy
I can't listen because he who came before you
did just that, and then he was gone.

If we are being honest in this lifetime
there is no hiding from the future.
But what is not written on my face is
how I have always lied to fit in where I was not meant
to be and truthfully I got accustomed to deciet

Pity falls upon those who get in above their heads
and all your friends feel sorry for you now.
I hate to say I told you so
and you shoot back with those eyes that send me shivering
into a night I am not used to being caught in
One where you wait with me until the sun.

Hell has never seen anyone like me
holding tight as you kick me in my face
revolting out loud that you know not who you mess with
fuming with gratitude as I look at you
with that smirk on your face as you shake your head
making a liar of me as you do everyday.

You Can't Sleep

you can't sleep
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

You can't sleep so you call me
wanting to pass your waking late night hours
with me
but not this time.
Your words are the same
the were old months ago
You were hoping that the magic was still there
but it isn't
You assumed me happy ,
my hands opened and held out
for the scraps you drop from your bed
but you were mistaken
I am moving on
your status downgraded to banished servant
You have to stop coming around
fucking up my nights and therefore my days
but you don't.
You can't sleep so you call me
wanting to pass your waking late night hours
with me
but not this time
© 2008 Sarah McKeever Hitt

Must Think Me Dirty

Must think me dirty
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

Sitting here looking out the window at a city I barely know,
knowing not if I can call myself fine again
knowing not when the thought of you won't wake me up from a dream.
It has been a lifetime since I have seen you.
My bed wouldn't recognize you
and i have long since changed the sheets and washed the floors and windows.
I still remember the way your skin shivered when I rubbed my fingers on your arm
and how my breath would catch when you kissed me.
These are not thoughts to have in public places
and yet it seems strangely fitting as Tori sings to me in this room of strangers.
I feel like the details are written all over me
and that these people are craning their necks to read the chicken scratch on my arms.
I know they can hear my thoughts and they must think me dirty.
What they don't know is that we aren't together
and that no matter how many times I imagine our bodies together
mine has been replaced and so has yours.
But that doesn't stop you from all but being with me right now
in this stranger filled room on the corner of a city that doesn't know my name.


© 2008 Sarah McKeever Hitt

Moonlit reminders

[close] ShareThis[+ reading list][- reading list]Moonlit reminder
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

As the moon shines blue in your window
awaking you from delusional slumber
and after the momentary panic passes,
you think of me.

As pangs of loss from the past revisit
tearing through your wall of resolution
showing you what you don't cop to during daylight,
you see my face.

As the sound of her dreaming sneaks in
reminding you that you are not alone
and your chosen road does not lead to me
I stay on your mind.

As you think "This was over years ago,
Wounds were healed by time and vows taken"
you close your eyes to escape the truth of night.
But I am still there.

As you wish in secrecy that I come back
filling that space that only fits my form
clarifying all the blurry aspects of your life
I remain the girl who almost was.

Whisky down your throat

whiskey down your throat
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

Sometimes what a girl wants a girl gets....
I want to be the knot in your stomach
I want to be the first drag of your cigarette
I want to be the needle tearing your flesh
I want to be hot coals under your feet
I want to be the hand you can't walk away from
I want to be a stiff drink in a dirty bar
I want to be your first dream of the night
I want to be the fire in your desert
I want to be the thunder in your storm
I want to be the tracks up your arms
I want to be the whiskey down your throat
I want to be the girl that you regret
I want to be the one you hide from your friends
I want to be the one you can't get enough of
I want to be your addiction.


© 2008 Sarah McKeever Hitt

Inquiry

If I carried this weight for you
and my arms were breaking and my skin was raw
and i stumbled towards you with tears in my eyes
and my body wary, would you notice how much I have done?
If I proved to you that I was willing to go the distance
and run down the dark roads with holes in my shoes
not knowing the directions because my map is faded and torn
would you turn on your porch light to let me know you are home?
If I gave up my favorite things because you didn't like them
and I went through my days longing for the things I couldn't have
and cried out in my sleep for just one moments time with my passions
would you see the error in your ways and apologize for making me chose?
If I told you that this was enough for me to hold on to
and that I could go the rest of my life feeding on nothing more
than the crumbs that are left behind from the things you throw away
would you see that I was settling for less than I deserve?
If I came to you in the middle of the night soaked to the core
and shivering from the cold rain that fell on me as I ran in the darkness
feeling desperate to just tell you that I was unable to sleep without yo
would you invite me in and lend me a dry shirt and let me sleep on your couch
If I told you this was killing me slowly from the inside out
and that part of me wants to give up on you and never turn back to see what I left
and that the other part of me is willing to sacrafice my life for one night with you
Would you do the noble thing even if I don't know which one that is?
If I left you behind after telling that I would never give up on us
and I moved on to a new love and a new life and a new frame of mind
and I spent my every energy telling myself I was doing the right thing by forgetting you
would you point out to me that If I had to convince myself than it wasn't true
If I was gone for years and never contacted you out of fear of what you would say
and then one day when I was selfish and self destructive I found you in the same old place
and out of nowhere I told you that I am here to remind you of what I gave up on a million days ago
would you be willing to go back even though we both know it wouldn't be the same?
If I did my same old magic and showed my hand to your friends and made you guess my intentions
and tempted the sanctity of your word and your dedications
would you throw me away like I gave up on you when I was innocent?

Flowers pressed in my bible

I can run
and I can debate with everyone who calls me out
and I can try to forget

and I can hide the secrets
and the flowers I pressed in my bible
and try to replace

and I can ignore
and bury my cryptic poetry in the box under my bed
and try not to dream about

But I can't deny
and trick myself into thinking that I have healed
and that I have fallen out of love with
you

-2008

No More

No More
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

The monotony in your smile is blinding.
Suggesting in technicolor
that you aren't even trying.
Tiptoeing across the delicate balances,
you keep your status in check.
Your ego reaches the heights of legend.
Evermore the knight in shiny armor
to everyone but me.
I am no more the scapegoat for your aloof sensibilities.
A request it didn't occur to you make.
Nonetheless.
A gap is left upon my departure
unfitting to my form.



© 2008 Sarah McKeever Hitt

Birthday Candles

Do you think of me
Because somedays I can’t stop thinking of you
I don’t tell anyone
They wouldn’t understand
They can’t figure out why I don’t read you for what you are
Not good enough for me.
Well maybe you aren’t good enough for me
Maybe I am a million steps above you
But I am not convinced
Only a fool would ignore a word of warning
Especially when it comes from the mouth of the Devil
I have never claimed to be wise
Especially in matters of you.
The truth is I have loved you longer than I wanted to
That includes today.
I see your wishes for the future.
I hope they burn to the ground
Not out of spite
I can’t make my own birthday candle wishes
I haven’t forgotten my old ones.

Birds.

The birds outside my window woke me too early
their persistance cut through my dreams
My burnt out mind thanks them
because I would have slept all day long.

It was that same dream again.
Where I was the top, A OK girl of the world
with minions doing my bidding and fulfilling my whims
but I kept lookiing for you behind every curtain in my house.

Again, I thank the singing of the birds outside my windows
for not letting me live in that world too long
growing weak and angry and disillusioned
as I search for something I was never supposed to find.

Sweetly

Hold me
Shower me with the emotion I know you feel
I promise
to never go a day for the rest of my life without seeing your face
Tell me
That I was the reason you wake up and decide to make the most of your day
I swear
that I will take my first and last breaths of everyday in time with yours
Smile at me
because I make you happier than any girl that you have ever known
I vow
that my love will be your posession for as long as you care to keep it
Love me
like you have never loved anyone else before you met me
I will
love you until the heavens decide to stop me from living.

Message In A Bottle

Message in a bottle
-a poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

When will I get to tell you
the truth that I have never said?
I am not sure anymore if I was in the wrong
or for that matter if there is any wrong at all?
Were we not just kids?
I hope so because otherwise I am not the kind of girl I thought I was

I want to shake this guilt I harbor
and I want to put it in a bottle and send it to you.
Moreso when you get the package sent overnight to you
I want you to open it and call me instantly
and tell me that I was not who should have kept it all this time

After you dispell the judgements I held on to
ask me about what I have been doing since we seperated
Dig deep to find the things I don't offer freely to you
mostly make me believe that you really want to know
and I will tell you everything
even when I know it is in my best interest to stop talking.

And so it will go for hours
as we get to know each other again.
No more awkwardness from what we never realized
that we have never said.
Maybe that night, when I am in my bed and my eyes are closed
I finally won't pray for the chance to tell you that I am sorry

On The Ground

On the ground

A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

My feet haven't touched the floor since

that day you told me that you loved me.

I am still way up high on the hopes you whispered

as we danced to that quiet band in the distance.

I feel like I am never going to be able to be with another man

after the times you rubbed your fingers on my arms

chilling me to the core with how you made me feel.

It doesn't help to tell you all of this

because even after all the years we spent holding on to this

I know that you have stopped looking at me like that.

Please give me the respect I deserve

and not lie about where you went last night after you left me

I have never done well knowing that what I need was also needed by someone else

But tell me this, doesn't it matter at all that you were mine first?

My friends think I am putting too much hope in you

and I know that is true, but I can't help the fact that I am in love with you.

It doesn't matter to me that I have to be the fool for you

Just please don't lie to me when I ask you where you are going as you leave me

Because I know that you have stopped wanting me

but I have to believe that somewhere under all of your wandering thoughts

You still remember those promises you made to me

way back in the days when my feet were still on the ground.

On The Sidewalk

On the sidewalk

A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

My face doesn't look like you thought it would

and your words don't sound like I thought they would.

Somehow the landscape is not as vast as it is supposed to be,

and we are far older than we care to admit.



The differences are bigger than we had anticipated,

and my hands fidget more than I wanted you to see.

Somehow the weather is a lot colder here than the forecast said it would be

and what I wouldn't give to be home right now.



Your voice is a lot quieter than I imagined it would be

and I can't bring myself to say what I had rehearsed for months.

Somehow when this was all planned years ago

we didn't read the memo all the way through.



I pretend not to notice that you are as nervous as me

and you can't stand to be in front of me without sunglasses on

Somehow we have found ourselves where we both wanted to be

standing outside on the sidewalk.

Not As An Angel

Not as an angel

A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt
I stand here before you
not as an angel
to hand you my offer
for you to refuse.

It is written in my best hand
from pens left on the bus
on coffee stained paper
but the words are clear.

My intent bulletpointed for clarity
leaving nothing to chance
with no room for misunderstanding
written too hastily for revision.

My honesty is my downward spiral
in a moment of pure admiration
held out before you tonight
wanting your immediate approval.
© 2008 Sarah McKeever Hitt

Hell Has Never Seen Anyone Like Me

Hell Has Never Seen Anyone Like Me
A Poem By Sarah-McKeever Hitt

Hell has never seen anyone like me
when my tortured mind sends me to do
the craziest things
From the moment I took you on
I was unable to be the wide eyed one in wonder
and now I have no choice but to love you.

Just pretend that I was not so damaged
when you found me and
maybe when you put me back on the streets
I won't be half as broken as I would have been
had we never met.

Between you and me I can not hold you
when all I think is how you want to push my arm away
even though you tell me that I am crazy
I can't listen because he who came before you
did just that, and then he was gone.

If we are being honest in this lifetime
there is no hiding from the future.
But what is not written on my face is
how I have always lied to fit in where I was not meant
to be and truthfully I got accustomed to deciet

Pity falls upon those who get in above their heads
and all your friends feel sorry for you now.
I hate to say I told you so
and you shoot back with those eyes that send me shivering
into a night I am not used to being caught in
One where you wait with me until the sun.

Hell has never seen anyone like me
holding tight as you kick me in my face
revolting out loud that you know not who you mess with
fuming with gratitude as I look at you
with that smirk on your face as you shake your head
making a liar of me again.

First Moment Of The Rest Of My Life

First moment of the rest of my life.

A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

This is the first moment of the rest of my life

Where I am truthful and bold

This is the first time,

where I worry not about if you find out I am talking about you

Because I am.



The truth will set me free from the hidden demons of my youth

from a time when I had to be the girl my parents planned me to be

This is the first moment where I throw off my jacket

to show myself to you with complete abandon and faith

At last honest



This time I can't be the one to just lie back and let you walk away

without the slightest bit of revolution in my breath when I tell you not to go

I am not the same victim who cried for years about the cruelty of destiny

I will not stand quietly by as you waste the rest of your life

without me in it.

You Told Me

You told me.
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

You told me that I was beautifully fitting for the space left from the one who came before me.
You said this as you kissed my shoulder.

You told me that the sun was setting in your life and only I could bring light back in.
You told me this while you gently gripped my wrist.

You told me the last thought before you fell asleep was how you wanted to feel me tremble as you touched my skin.
You told me that as I closed my eyes.

You told me that you never wanted another woman to take my place in your bed and in your mind.
You tell me this as I lay back anticipating.

You told me that no matter what happens this will be the memory you take with you to your grave.
You told me this as we became one.
© 2008 Sarah McKeever Hitt

My Admission To You

My admission to you
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

I knew that if I kept on going the way that I was going
I could forget about how much I wanted you.
If I found the perfect placebo for the drug
In time my mind won't recognize the difference.
I could fool myself into thinking that I had what I needed.
I found just that in a man from Pennsylvania.

His humor, though asinine, hit the spot unexpectedly.
Just out of reach enough to draw me in.
Your replacement.
Years of mindless running pass in a whisper,
And I am no closer to fine than I have ever been.
Although he proves to be a fraction of the man you are
I could not put him to rest.
His mind tricks and mark missing became his down fall
A placebo for the placebo seems silly in retrospect
But I found just that in a boy from Florida.

He was a subtle mix of naive charm and self hatred.
His role of "distraction" was clear to everyone but him.
I punished him for the prior's offenses unjustly.
Misrepresenting my intentions on a daily basis,
I led him to believe I was was love sick.
I held over him what his predecessor kept just out of reach from me.
He didn't deserve that and I know that now.
Although he was no saint, he didn't have to burn for the other man's sins.

My just deserved backlash lie on the horizon
I ran as far as I could in hopes of finding truth.
I kept on with the charade even at 2000 miles distance.
Letting myself believe I had found the perfect drug.
Just before I could become addicted to the fillers
They left simultaneously.
Left me feeling a fool.
Cold sweat drenched in a night where the only thing I could see is you.

We did it anyway

We did it anyway.
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

We tripped the life fantastic.
Abandon met with clenched fists.
Madness reaching over the edge
We did it anyway.

There was so much to lose
Line toeing on the point of no return
An uneven match of wit and strength
We did it anyway.

The forces at work were insolent
Our souls victim to the crimes
Players in a game set to lose
We did it anyway.
© 2008 Sarah McKeever Hitt

Upright

Upright.
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

It fits so perfectly,

below my self loathing principles.

Above my self righteousness

lies the space dedicated to you,

No more obviously empty

Than the look on my face

the night we met

02/17/2010

All your mess

All my friends tell me they want more
Not me
I just want you
all the mess that comes with it

When they throw their sideways looks at me,
I don't pay attention
I know that most of them have never felt what we felt
breathed as deeply as we breathed
or cried as relentlessly as I did when you walked away from me.

Even as we ran from each other
our paths never veered too far part
No matter how much I hate to admit it
I waited for you to stumble into needing me again

I would give back every second I spent with anyone else
to have one more night like we used to have
Back in the day when all we had was time.