My Admission To You

My admission to you
A Poem by Sarah McKeever Hitt

I knew that if I kept on going the way that I was going
I could forget about how much I wanted you.
If I found the perfect placebo for the drug
In time my mind won't recognize the difference.
I could fool myself into thinking that I had what I needed.
I found just that in a man from Pennsylvania.

His humor, though asinine, hit the spot unexpectedly.
Just out of reach enough to draw me in.
Your replacement.
Years of mindless running pass in a whisper,
And I am no closer to fine than I have ever been.
Although he proves to be a fraction of the man you are
I could not put him to rest.
His mind tricks and mark missing became his down fall
A placebo for the placebo seems silly in retrospect
But I found just that in a boy from Florida.

He was a subtle mix of naive charm and self hatred.
His role of "distraction" was clear to everyone but him.
I punished him for the prior's offenses unjustly.
Misrepresenting my intentions on a daily basis,
I led him to believe I was was love sick.
I held over him what his predecessor kept just out of reach from me.
He didn't deserve that and I know that now.
Although he was no saint, he didn't have to burn for the other man's sins.

My just deserved backlash lie on the horizon
I ran as far as I could in hopes of finding truth.
I kept on with the charade even at 2000 miles distance.
Letting myself believe I had found the perfect drug.
Just before I could become addicted to the fillers
They left simultaneously.
Left me feeling a fool.
Cold sweat drenched in a night where the only thing I could see is you.